without Him, i have nothing to say

     Over the years, I've always tended to be a somewhat optimistic person. Growing up I often had a what-could-possibly-go-wrong? outlook which led to a careless attitude in areas where I should've exercised some caution.  Looking back, I think a lot of it came from having such a stable, loving home. I had confidence for nearly everything, because my parents invested in me and helped me know that I could accomplish anything I put my mind towards. They provided a safe haven, therefore danger was often far from my mind. I'm so grateful to them for that - especially considering their own homes growing up.
     Being self-assured and confident is a gift. In fact in our country, it is lauded and applauded to the point where many fall into the trap of "making something of themselves" regardless of the cost. I'm not saying there is anything wrong with having vision and a plan for your life, but "Controlling our own Destiny" was never an idea the Lord espoused. On the contrary:

     "If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow me. For what is a man profited, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul?" (Matt 16:24 & 26) 

Confidence is a gift when used under the power of His guidance and grace. If  we abuse it, self-assurance will easily turn into pride. C.S. Lewis once said:

     "If we have the itch of self-regard, we shall want the pleasure of self-approval; but the happiest moments are those when we forget our precious selves and have neither, but have everything else instead." 

So often it's easy to lose sight of the gift of confidence in the light of our need for acceptance and approval from others. I speak from experience. We all want that feeling of belonging, knowing that others accept us for who we are. The problem is that we often let pride trip us into making ourselves into what others expect, and leaving God out in the process.
         "For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ."  (Galations 1:10)

       "The fear of man lays a snare, but whoever trusts in the Lord is safe." (Proverbs 29:25)

Pride causes us to fear man - we begin to think highly of ourselves........ and then begin to wonder what others think of us - instead of what God thinks of us. Fear of rejection from others (ultimately the fear of man) causes us to take our eyes off the Lord.

As I prepared for Ecuador last year, I was confident. I knew God had called me to this mission. I was excited. I was prepared. And yet, all my confidence and preparations were of no use to me when I needed them. Pride had crept in. It took a few days for me to realize and refute it.(You can read about it here.) And in that moment I realized (yet again) that I can do nothing on my own. In our times of vulnerability we have a choice: do we yield to our Maker, or hold to what is comfortable? Do we allow Him to mold us, or do we tenaciously cling to what we know? Do we listen, or obstinately stick with our own idea of self?
     He calls us to know Him personally. If He did not exist, neither would I. No matter what this year holds, all is in vain without Him. Going to another country becomes pointless if we cannot tell others of Him, or at least show His love through care and concern. If we did not have Him to share with others, why go? And the same is true here at home: "if not for Him, I would have nothing to say."

I boast not of works, nor tell of good deeds,

for naught have I done to merit His grace.

All glory and praise shall rest upon Him,

so willing to die in my place.